I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
