i wish starbucks made bloody marys
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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