Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
