Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
