Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
