I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
