He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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