Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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