His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
