I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
