At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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