We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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