You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
