8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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