2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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