I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
