A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
