i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
