lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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