I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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