Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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