Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
