I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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