i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
