I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
