just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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