Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
