i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
