Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
