Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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