she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
