If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
