never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
