i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
even my farts smell like vagina
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Randomize
