My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
