She announced her abortion via fbk
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
