That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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