I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
