i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
