I got chris browned last night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Enjoy the penises
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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