Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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