Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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