I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
