I seem to have left my pride at pride
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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