Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
