Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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