Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
did i just pee glitter
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
