That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It's like God shit irony all over that family
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
