He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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