You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
